Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
