i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
