You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
