Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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