If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
