i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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