It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
