He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
