last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
