I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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