New invention idea: vibrating tampons
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
