I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
