we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize