I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
