Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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