S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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