how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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