omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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