My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
