I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
