I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
