I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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