So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
