Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
