So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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