His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
