Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
