Can Purell be used as lube?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
