even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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