so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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