She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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