That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
