4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
