Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We are all done wearing pants today
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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