I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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