I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
