His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He shit in the fireplace
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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