ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My vagina is very pro this idea
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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