he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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