Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
