he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
