im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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