I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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