Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize