Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize