is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
