I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
