I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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