Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
