If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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