Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize