i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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