Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
