I wish I could punch you in the face.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
