Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize