My underwear smells like fireworks.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
