i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
