Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
