Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
