Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
