oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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