Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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