I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
