hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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