Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
